Never Say These Things to a Parent of Child with Special Needs

Most of us do not want to hurt anyone intentionally. But, it’s very common for people to pass judgmental or hurtful comments on parents who happen to have a child with some physical or mental disability. We believe that those comments have their roots in ignorance rather than in ill-intention. So, here we are compiling a list of the most common things said to parents with special need child that should never be said.

1. Your child looks so normal, I never knew there was something wrong with her

First of all, there are no clearly defined criteria according to which you can label someone as ‘normal’ or ‘abnormal’. Secondly, not all disabilities are visible. So, refrain from saying anything like that to parents when you find out about their child’s disability. This simple-looking statement can shut off any further dialogue because the parent will feel discredited. They will feel that you won’t understand them or their child’s struggle because everything looks normal to you.

2. I have met this person with XYZ disability at my friend’s brother’s place. She has achieved so and so successes in life. I know your child too will be like her

Well, just like any other individual, each person with a disability is unique. You might have met someone with a similar disability but you cannot compare both the persons to be the same. It is very common for people to start talking about every disabled person they have met in their life when they meet a disabled person or their parents. It is a really bad habit.

3. Don’t worry, once you pay off for your past life sins everything will be normal

This is outright rude. You might have your own belief system about sins and re-births but it’s not good to push your beliefs onto others. Accusing someone to be a sinner, when you don’t have any proof is wrong but it becomes extremely rude when you suggest to a parent that their child is suffering due to them.

4. Your child is God’s special angel

Statements like this are said to show sympathy and parents of special need child do understand it very well. If you say that children are angels of God then it’s a very different thing. A child with a disability is a child who happens to have some disability, this neither makes the child an angel nor a devil.

5. It must be so tough to raise such a child. You are so strong, I would have never been able to do that

Yes, it’s tough to raise a child and it becomes tougher when the child has some special needs. But, it takes love for the child rather than strength to raise her up. No parents are prepared in advance to raise a child with special needs… circumstances prepare them. By the way, when you say you would have never been able to raise a child with special needs, are you suggesting that the child should be abandoned or what?

6. You are always so well-dressed and look so happy. No one will ever believe that you have a child with special needs

Many people presume that parents with special need child do not get any time for themselves and they are always in a state of depression due to their child’s disability. In most cases this assumption is wrong. If parents with special need child are living their life it does not automatically mean that they ignore their child. Don’t hurt such parents with your prejudices.

7. Have you tried a cure for your child?

Unless you are a specialist you should not go on recommending people about any medicine or treatments. Most of the physical and mental disabilities are ‘conditions’ and not ‘diseases’ that can be cured. If there’s something that can improve a child’s condition, most probably the parents have already tried it. There’s no problem in extending a suggestion if you have proper knowledge about the condition.

8. Does your other child have a disability too?

In some cases, parents might have more than one child with a special need. But, it’s not good to ask such a question to someone you just met. If you are a close family friend, you’ll know it without asking. It’s not good to relate every family member with a child’s disability.

There are many other comments or statements made by people that hurt parents with special need child. In order to refrain from making such comments, you just need to remember one simple formula – Be empathetic, not sympathetic! Before uttering anything keep yourself in the listener’s shoes and you will know what to say and what not to say.